I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
