did you get engaged???
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
