you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
