I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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