Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
