would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I've blown a few things in my day
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
