Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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