Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize