who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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