apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
