i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
