i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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