So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
