Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
