over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
