Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
