as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
