Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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