She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
