careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
