so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
