Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
