Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
