He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
