you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think people are normalizing furries
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
