just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
