and you said cock pushups were impossible
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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