Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
