I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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