he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
