I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
