whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
