Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
