I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
