Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize