I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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