we have officially lost it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
