she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
