why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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