Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
