I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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