I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
