Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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