I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He passed out mid-signature
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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