All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
