dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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