There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
