I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
