omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
