How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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