I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
