Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
