I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
