I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
