absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
