my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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