Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
