drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
