why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
