he wants to bone in the snuggie
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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