My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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