Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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