He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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