The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
