Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
