Jerry, you need to find god
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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