70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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