I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
