We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
