Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
