Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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