god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
