You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
