I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
