I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
