He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
