If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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