just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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