oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
