dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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