I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
