Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Welp...herpes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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