Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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