this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
