Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
